Teenage Survivor

You’d think that with twenty-five years experience raising children; the last one would be easy.  Not the case.  The problem with having a thirteen year old when you’re in your fifties is that while they’re gaining strength and knowledge and energy, you are losing yours.  Let’s face it, he gets pretty much whatever he wants, whenever he wants it.  We’ve lost our mojo…I guess we used it up on the other kids. We have figured out at this point that it pays dividends to keep him busy just about every minute after school and on weekends, encourage him with his grades, make quality time for his homework…blah, blah, blah. It’s just so been there, done that…for the 4th time…

I confess, I’m going to have to be dragged to the finish line for this one…here are just a few reasons why…

Driving…really?  I’ve got 3 more looong years to wait.  Why does he have to have any friends?  That means I have to stay up past my 8pm bedtime to go pick him up!  Can’t he have some compassion for me?

Go get me some milk at the store, and try not to drive like Ryan Gosling in the movie Drive...although, that would be really cool!

Cooking…really?  We can’t just go out for a glass of wine and a piece of cheese for dinner like everyone else my age is doing?  Why does he have to still be growing and requiring nutritional meals of vast quantity?  How inconsiderate!

Wasn't that a delicious dinner darling? I do love a nice gouda with a fruity Pinot Noir! Isn't it great to be grown-ups!

School Work…really?  I still have to point out why getting an A is worth the time and effort?  It’s not that hard for God’s sake!  How many times do I have to repeat the FOIL concept in my lifetime?

“Values”…really?  OK, here it is for the 400th time…behave, don’t drink, don’t do drugs, stay in school.  Done!

Puberty…really?  Again? I want a turn at being hormonal…I WANT MY TURN!!!

I’m noticing how little in common I have with my friends now.  They have sent their last one off to college. while I’m sending my last one off to high school.  They have the time to go exploring the Galapagos Islands, skiing in France, golfing in Scotland, sleeping in, downsizing to a cute condo on the beach, strolling aimlessly arm-in-arm for the day, wherever they happen to be.  They can have 8 almonds, a piece of coconut cake and 2 glasses of Pinot for dinner at 5 o’ clock.  They can watch a subtitled movie on a Saturday afternoon or take a nap or have the TV clicker right where they left it.

A girl can dream...

I guess we’ll have to be content with a chatty, funny, thirteen year old.  We’re going to have to tolerate Jalapeno Pringles, “pwning the noobs”, paper towel holders as rocket launchers, gun noises, trying to understand why a “killtacular” is such an achievement, golf tournaments in god-forsaken places, LOUD rap music, nightly wrestlemania (usually right at my bedtime and occasionally ending with someone getting a bloody nose), being the only Mom (amongst a bunch of teenage boys skipping school) waiting in line at Best Buy to get the latest copy of Call of Duty, vats of Mac and Cheese, Cheetos, root beer, beef jerky, hair gel, snarky t-shirts, piles of stinky shoes and Legos everywhere.

He's developing hand-eye coordination...or so he says. Can anyone tell me what a "Killtastrophe" is?

Fingers crossed…

5 responses to “Teenage Survivor”

  1. Jill says :

    I have to admit I didn’t understand most of what you were talking about. Guess that’s because Chris and I are too busy sipping wine, nibbling cheese and napping to keep up on teen culture. I’ll start practicing my Call of Duty skills and wrestling moves for my visit. Get ready Conrad……and Jeff! xo

    • Catherine Gullickson says :

      You’d better be prepared to be a victim of a “Killamanjaro”…it’ll be one of many special moments we have planned for you. I promise, you’ll be glad to get back to your “strolling aimlessly arm-in-arm with Chris” life!

  2. Mary Gray says :

    Send him here, it sounds way more fun at your house. Call of Duty?? r you kidding me, WAY more fun than soap operas.. oh yeah, those are off air— cuz they are so boring!

    Keeping up on current teenage talk is way more fun than listening to aches and pains of the 4th floor heart wing, or the 6th floor broken bones wings of the hospitals. Just think, paint ball has a lot more skill and excitement than shuffle board or senior zumba (i think they call it silver zumba as not to offend anyone and have to endure the wrath of a retired lawyer).


    PS Did he get that Rock Band set we sent??? hahahahahhahahahah

  3. susan naughton says :

    OMG!!! You are so blessed!! At least he’s going into High School and he does have good eye hand coordination! That is if he knows how to spell that word! Unlike me my soon to be sixth grader is obsessed with the Kardashians…………….Really

    • Catherine Gullickson says :

      That just means you’ll have to come back to go on a Kardashian celebrity tour. Maybe that could be her birthday gift?

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