Run the World (HBO)
Time and time again I’ve written about the aspects of living at home that are enjoyable: Family, home-cooked meals, blah blah blah. Well I’ve been feeding you bullshit for a long time. Now it’s time to get down to brass taxes, shoot from the pelvis, and hear it straight from the horse’s lips: HBO is the greatest thing to ever happen to me.
Unlike Beyonce, who is undeniable yet only human, no other force has had a greater impact on my time living at home than HBO. For those of you who don’t know what you’re doing with your life, I have some great advice: move home, make your parents pay for premium cable, and ditch all your friends. I know many of you have trouble juggling your social life, what with all your party invites and dinner with friends and even trips to make fun of fat people at the mall (that’s still a thing, right?). I, fortunately, do not have that burden, which is why I spend my Sundays (and Fridays and Mondays and Wednesdays) with my loyal friend HBO.
There are so many things to love about HBO, so I’m gonna break it down for you right here:
Game of Thrones: This show is so awesome it actually made me read books again. Ever since the first season last year, I’ve been on a year-long Game of Thrones diet. Let’s just say it involves lots of wine and calling people whores. Now that the second season is heating up, my life is complete again. This season is chock full of nudity (bonus!), gruesome beheadings (double bonus!), and intricately woven explorations into the nature of power, where it resides, and what sort of influence the real or perceived effect of power has on an individual and society as a whole (OMG I just jizzed my pants!!!!). Did I mention that someone is gruesomely killed every episode?!?!
Veep: The only thing funnier than the concept of the Vice Presidency is Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Her and lady blazers and lady f-bombs, none of which are lacking on this show. Whip-smart British humor and a strong supporting cast (Buster Bluth!) also help. Additionally, there is in fact a black woman on the show, so it’s not like I’m a racist for watching shows with only white cast members. Right, guys?!?!?!
Girls: For some reason I keep thinking this should be the theme song for the show. Alas! it’s not. However, there is something humorous about former co-eds drifting in NYC trying to get their shit together (Am I right, Gen Blau?!?!). And despite the fact that the show was created by, written by, produced by, directed by, and starring women, the only thing that brought me to the show was the name of a bearded middle-aged man that was on the advertisements. Am I right, Judd Apatow fans?!?!
TrueBlood: Supernatural soap opera involving vampires, vampire hookers, werewolves, werewolf hookers, hookers, witches, bitches, fairies (the winged kind), fairies (the gay kind), mind-readers, lip-readers, lip-lockers, shape shifters, shape shifter sex, regular sex, shower scenes, gumbo, Oscar winners, lesbians, black panthers (the mammal), funny accents, demon babies, and Southern manners. Need I say more?!?!
Curb Your Enthusiasm: This last season might have been the best Curb season ever. From a pleasure-inducing Prius, to Bill Buckner finally catching something important, to one of the greatest debates about performance-enhancing drugs not involving Jose Canseco, this was truly a season to remember. The biggest takeaway: I’m an elderly Jewish curmudgeon at heart. Am I right, old people?!?!?!
The Wire: Sometimes, in social situations, I pretend like I’ve seen The Wire. This is embarrassing, I know, because it’s supposedly the greatest show ever, or whatnot, but every time I try and watch it, I realize I’d rather not think while I watch TV, so I don’t. It’s like the television version of War & Peace: a classic must-read that all pretentious educated people talk about, but you don’t want to put in the time. And it uses big words. Also, you prefer picture books. Am I right, college grads?!?!?!
Mad Men: Okay, so technically this show is on AMC, but it’s like an honorary HBO show. Kinda like how the two non-Beyonces were honorary Destiny’s Child members. Also, this was just an excuse to put in a picture of Jon Hamm. Am I right, ladies?!?!?!
So, as you can see, HBO and I have a great relationship, and we ain’t about to taint it with real people or anything. In fact, to quote Game of Thrones: “HBO is my king, and my king is HBO”*.
*Technically, the quote was actually “my husband” not “HBO”, but at this point in my life they’re practically interchangeable. Am I right, Ben?!?!?!